Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
