Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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