i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
