Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
