He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
