You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
