He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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