I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize