First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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