we have officially lost it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
