your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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