I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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