Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
