I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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