Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
