Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
