I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
