How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
