dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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