My first STD was from a foam party
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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