Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
