i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
