I want you more than these girls want KFC
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
