im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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