mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Alive.
So much puke
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
