I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if only i could text you this smell
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
