They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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