Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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