Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
