All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
