I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
