why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
