please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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