Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Two words: blizzard sex
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
