I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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