Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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