the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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