I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
