Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
