My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
