is your mom at the bar?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
