I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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