If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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