she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
