4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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