i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
