I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
