wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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