You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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