It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
