woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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