i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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