i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
