Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
