Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
