i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
