just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize