i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
