im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
