I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
