I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Pants are for mortals
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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