i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
