i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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