my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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