If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What drink are we having for lunch?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
