Where is the hickey?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
