Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
