I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
