i jhust puked up my retainher.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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