I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize