just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize