Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
