Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
